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of& of his problem. Still isn t, obviously.
Jared stares at her.  You just don t get it, do you? You really have no idea what he is.
Her lips go tight, a thin line of anger in her face.  I know what he s not. He s not the child I
should have had. He s not& He s not normal.
 No, he s not, Jared says, starting to lose his temper.  He s magical. He s a magical being,
the only one in the whole wide world. That s what you had, what someone decided to give to
you and you just& You threw him away!
She looks up at him, defiant.  I don t know what he s told you but it was his own decision,
getting help. You can check if you want. He signed the papers himself.
 You are incredible, Jared says, staring at her in disbelief.  You actually believe that, don t
you? Jesus!
She looks away, shaking her head stubbornly.  Nothing to believe. It s right there on the
dotted line. Check it.
In the silence that follows Jared can hear Chris pop open another beer in the kitchen. He s
going to finish their meager stash if this goes on much longer.
 I think you should leave now, Jared says, his voice strained with keeping calm.  Let me
have your number. I ll give it to Jensen when he feels better so he can decide what to do. But
if he doesn t want to see you then don t you ever come here again. I will physically throw
you out if you try.
She winces, looking like she wants to object for a moment but then she pulls a small
notebook out of her purse, scribbling down her number before standing up. She looks small
somehow, and not just because of how thin and grey she is.
 I know you think I m some kind of monster, she says defensively as she rips out the page
and hands it over.  Maybe you re right. Maybe I did do everything wrong. But I did the best I
could. I did what I thought was best for him. For everyone. It wasn t easy, being his mother.
Jared remembers Jensen talking along those same lines so long ago.  It s not easy being
related to me, he d said. It s an argument Jared s heard many times since, from parents of
teenagers struggling with all kinds of mental and physical problems, as well as from the kids
themselves. One side defensive, the other ridden with guilt. And always that same anger, at a
life they were not supposed to have and problems they shouldn t have to deal with.
 Being his husband isn t always easy either, he says coldly.  But it s worth it because he s
Jensen. And I love him.
She looks away, pulling her coat tighter around her.  I ll see myself out, she says stiffly but
as she brushes by him he grabs her arm, stopping her.
 He can t cure you. It doesn t work like that. So if that s all you re here for I suggest you
walk out that door and we ll pretend you being here never happened. Better deal with it now
than later when he s gotten his hopes up that maybe you re here because you actually care
about him.
Her arm is thin and tense under his fingers. She won t look up at him, just stares ahead with
her jaw set tight and a twist to her lips like she s fighting not to cry.  He s my son, she
repeats stubbornly.
Jared sighs and lets go of her arm.  You keep saying that but you know what I haven t heard
you say? That you love him. You haven t said once that you love him. Which means that him
being your son doesn t mean shit in my book.
She looks startled, like she hadn t even realized.  I& I do. Of course I do. He s my&  She
cuts herself off, looking away.  I do love him.
 Don t tell me, tell him. Tell Jensen.
 He knows, she says, as if it s that simple.
Jared just looks at her.  No. He doesn t. He really doesn t. It s been twelve years, Donna.
You can t expect him to just take you back with open arms after everything you said and did
to him.
She stands silent for a long time then says in a quiet voice,  I did come back for him,
eventually, but he was already gone. I tried to find him but&  She shakes her head.  Mac
only told me where he was last week. When she found out I was... sick.
She takes a deep breath then looks up at him.  I know, too little and too late. But I do love [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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