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years."
"I know it's important. And now I've done it, I'm not sure I can ever do it
again."
"Hasn't Digen ever told you my special talent is patience with the skittish
Farris thoroughbreds?" Im'ran was chuckling wryly as he came back with the tea
glasses, handing her one and resuming his seat.
" Ercy inhaled the tangy scent. ' 'Did I ever mention you make the best tea
I've ever tasted?"
"Thank you," said Im'ran, "but that was an abrupt change of subject. I've
noticed that adolescents do that when they're embarrassed. Embarrassment
usually comes from an acute, new raw awareness of self. Perhaps as a
'skittish Farris thoroughbred'?"
"I think when I become World Controller, the first thing I'll do is take the
newspaperman who coined that term and lock him away in the deepest, darkest
dungeon I can find," said Ercy, without a trace of malice but without much
humor, either.
"Digen hates it, too. But you have to learn to live with these things when
you're born a public figure."
"Dad's spent his whole life learning to live with things he hates. That's a
pretty bleak way to live. It makes you wonder if the whole thing is worth the
bother."
"Ercy, you mustn't talk like " Im'ran started in automatic rebuke. But he
paused, then, setting his tea aside, and took her hands in a firm but gentle
grip. "Now, wait a minute. There are grim moments in life, true, but there are
things that make life worth living. Surely, Ercy, we haven't taken all those
moments away from you?"
Uncomfortable at his intensity, Ercy inched away, folding her hands around
her tea glass and sipping it slowly. "I wasn't thinking about the past. I was
looking into the future. People make a lot of jokes about Farris thoroughbreds
and Zeor customs. There's even a lot of resentment that we take pride in
holding to a higher standard than the world considers adequate. But if Dad
tries to call a small news conference, five hundred top reporters will show
up three hours early. If I wanted to be World Controller, I could have the job
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four years from now. Is there any other pre-changeover channel who could say
that?
"People seem to think that power like that gives you a lot of choices in
life. Why don't they realize that a channel's life consists of having the
power to get what you want, but having to give it up because other things are
more important? Oh, Im', does every worthwhile moment have to be bought at the
price of agony? If so, there are no worthwhile moments."
Ercy was appalled at what was coming out of her mouth. But she felt better,
having said it. ,
Im'ran asked, "What have you had to give up lately?"
Halimer Grant.But no, she couldn't say that. Her father had made it clear how
much it would hurt Im'ran if she asked for someone else.
"Well," she said, draining her tea glass, searching for true words that
didn't say too much, "It's just a general pattern of life. Take my changeover
party, for example. Has anyone consulted me about any of the details even
one?''
Mulling over what she'd said, Im'ran took her in a close hug.
"Oh, Im', I didn't mean it like that. It's just just I wonder if it's worth
the bother."
"Well, Ercy, I'm telling you, and you can ask Digen and Mora, too. It's worth
the bother, Ercy. Growing up is hard. This is probably the hardest thing
you'll ever have to do in your life, especially since you're not getting the
usual channel's warning of changeover. But it will happen, and you'll find out
that on balance, life is worth the bother. Store up the memories of the good
times, because they can carry you so far over the bad times."
Ercy pulled away, suddenly aware that she was being comforted as a child and
liking it. "It's late. I have to take a shower and get to bed."
"Digen, I didn't know what to say to her. I haven't seen depression like that
since since "
" since I broke down," finished Digen. It didn't take a channel or an orhuen
mate to see how disturbed Im'ran was. And for a change, the matter had come up
in their private suite at the end of the day when it could be given some real
attention. The family had a large penthouse consisting of five spacious rooms
arranged around a central living room. Ercy had one of the large
side rooms adjoining the kitchenette, front which patio doors led onto the
roof. Next to the kitchen was a library-office in which Digen and Mora, being
Sime and requiring less sleep, often worked while Ercy and Im'ran slept. Then
came Digen's private bedroom, and on the far side of the suite adjoining
Digen's room, Im'ran and Mora shared the other large room, well away from
Ercy's.
Mora was taking a shower in her bathroom, and Digen and Im'ran had the
privacy of Digen's room.
"No," said Im'ran, "not quite as bad as you've been. But you should have
heard her. She complained of not being consulted about her changeover party.
That wasn't just a random example she chose, but it's not decoration or
invitations bothering her. Digen, I think she doesn'twant me to be her Donor."
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Digen knew how oversensitive Im'ran was about the alteration in his selyn
field frequency brought about by shaking plague. He felt that channels ought
to be repelled by his almost imperceptible deviation from the dead-true Tecton
standard rhythm he'd been born with because, as a fanir, he drew them into his
rhythms.
"She can't zlin yet," said Digen. "She has no Sime sense awareness at all.
There's just no way she could be detecting that very slight off-true increment
in your field. Im'ran, I can only detect it when I concentrate."
"If she fulfills herself, she'll make you look like a Third Order Channel."
"Very likely," answered Digen. "But, Im', she told me, some time ago, what
was bothering her. It's not that she doesn't want you -it's that she does want
Halimer Grant."
"Ah!" said Im'ran, the gloom in his nager lightening. "That would explain it.
But why?"
"You wouldn't ask if you could zlin his nager. He's in our range, Im', though
I don't know why he doesn't carry the rating, or why I haven't heard of him
before."
"Well, you haven't been in circulation for a long time. There could be a lot
of things going on that we haven't heard of."
"True," Digen sighed. "I'm not surprised she wants him every Sime who gets [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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