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and regret and pity.
“You’re not fooling anyone with this act, you know,” Ben said. “I
can feel what you feel now. I know you care about me.”
Jasper stared at him. “You feel close to me because we just
fucked. And you need someone. But I’m not—”
Ben cut him off. “So this is just like every other time for you.”
Jasper’s eyes flitted to the side of Ben then came back to meet his.
He smiled weakly, his nervous eyes surveying him. “Why, wasn’t it
for you?”
“I’ve never done it before.”
“Goddamn it!”
That settled it. He’d been bad. And Ben knew what a bad boy got.
In an instant, all the memories of his years with Pierson came
crashing back to him, just as sharp as before. Sharper, maybe, for he
felt Jasper’s insecurities now, too, the uncomfortable haze of guilt that
56
Ellen Ginsberg
came to mind when Ben thought of Pierson, and when he thought of
his murderer. Jasper. Part of him hated Jasper now, and Ben hated
himself for that feeling. He’d left the lab on shaking feet, needing
some release from all the feelings that were raging through him, and
he’d gotten it. Only it wasn’t the love he’d expected, but something
darker. Ben felt it coursing through him as he tasted Jasper’s coppery
blood, felt it overwhelming him now as he stared at his ungrateful
mate.
Jasper was a bad boy, too.
The need to rage, to destroy, to obliterate rose inside of Ben. The
need to shift. It sharpened as he recognized it, burning his skin with
the tightness it took to hold it back.
Jasper paced across the room, running a hand through his hair.
“Either way, I’m fucked. If I stay with you, I’ll fuck you up. If I leave
you…”
Ben growled. “Why would you leave me?”
Jasper turned on his heels, facing him again. “You don’t get it.”
He came toward Ben, squeezing his shoulders. The touch was rougher
than it’d been before, and his body wanted to resist the movement.
His wolf didn’t like it. “I’ll hurt you,” he said. “I’m not…”
His eyes dropped to Ben’s neck, and Jasper trailed off, his hands
slipping from Ben’s shoulders as his gaze fixed on the spot on his
neck that Jasper had sunk his teeth into. Slowly, Jasper raised a hand
to touch it.
It wasn’t slow enough.
Suddenly, Ben felt his wolf burst out from inside of him, snarling
and snapping in defense. He leapt back, stumbling backward from his
assailant on his taut, outstretched legs. He splayed his front paws in
front of him in a defensive crouch.
“Ben…” Jasper said. There was concern in his voice, but a note of
exasperation, too. And Ben knew where exasperation led. He bared
his teeth. “Will you please just shift back so we can talk about this
like normal people?” Ben narrowed his eyes into slits, his ears flat
Ben in the Shadows
57
against his head. He growled, and he could hear Jasper’s muttered
reply, barely audible but there all the same. “Oh, for Christsakes…”
Jasper took a step toward him, and Ben lost all semblance of
control. He didn’t want to hurt Jasper, but he was furious. For years,
he had been locked up, tortured, tormented, poked, and prodded at,
and for what? He had expected his mate’s love to flow into him and
heal him, not settle inside him like an uneasy pact while his mate
paced the room with regret.
It was Jasper’s fault. For some reason or another, he was resisting
the full force of their mating. For some reason, he didn’t want to share
himself with Ben, and that made Ben’s wolf prickle with fury. In a
rage, he raced through the room, leaving a path of destruction in his
wake. He jumped on the bed, ripping long slits in the sheets and
comforter, grasping the pillow in his mouth and shaking with all his
might.
“No. Ben, no!” Jasper rushed over to catch him, trying in vain to
yank the pillow from him, but his human hands were no match for
Ben’s strong jaws, and he only managed to shake more errant feathers
from the torn seam.
Ben opened his mouth to let out a single, loud bark, and Jasper
nearly fell backward with the force of his release, grasping the pillow
in his hands. Ben scrambled off the bed, knocking over the
nightstand, scratching the wood floor, and scraping against the door
as he flew through it and bounded down the stairs, Jasper hot on his
heels, hastily covering his crotch with the pillow he still clasped in his
hands.
58
Ellen Ginsberg
Chapter Five
“Damn it, Ben!”
Jasper bounded down the stairs, desperate to get a handle on Ben
and calm him down. One little mistake, just one innocuous little slip-
up after he’d practically scrubbed himself squeaky clean, had ruined
him, and his life was rapidly spiraling far more out of control than it
ever had during his drug-addled early adulthood. And that was saying
something, considering what an emotionally numb fuckup he’d been
in those days.
Goddamn it, Ben had gotten to Jasper, though. You saved me, he’d
said, and Jasper had wanted so badly to believe it. And then he’d lost
control and mated with Ben. It would be hard as hell to hide from Ben
now. They shared a soul, for God’s sake. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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